Have you ever thought about what you really want in a sexual relationship? We often know what we want, but sometimes we’re just afraid or unwilling to ask. We’re fearful that we’ll look demanding or we worry that our lovers will interpret our requests to mean we’re dissatisfied with them, although it’s not always so.
Desires are hard-wired inside of us, and most people would be thrilled to hear their partners talk about what turns them on. Although many can find it hard to talk to talk about sex, having a discussion about what you need and what you desire in your sexual life, both with yourself and with your partner, creates an atmosphere of understanding and closeness.
Communication is by far the most important sexual ‘enhancer’ – when you’re engaged in each other mentally, it’s easier to connect sexually. Knowing that keeping your mind open to your partner’s needs builds trust and closeness.
If you find it hard to talk about sex face to face, there are many ways to let your partner know what you like; communicate in writing by keeping a sex journal, sending an email or a text, leaving a note where you know your partner will find it.
Another flirty, delicious way of getting what you want is writing your desires down; on your body (this is where the fun begins). Imagine what you’d want your partner to do; it could be something simple like ‘Run your hands over my body’ or something a little more daring like ‘Tie me to a chair and kiss all my erogenous zones’. Whatever you like goes.
Now:
1. Find a fine-point marker and write it on your body, in places that are normally covered with clothes.
2. Be creative, and make the discovery part of the instructions. You can turn it into a game with step-by-step instructions like ‘Kiss my ears until you think I’m turned on, then slip off my skirt and follow the orders written on my thigh’.
When it’s time for intimacy, your lover can unwrap you and look for what you’ve written. It’s a great way to draw out the fun and exchange a few words about the things you’d like to do – all in one go!